Haagen-Dazs Crispy Trio Layers Ruby Cacao Crackle vs. Ben & Jerry's Caramel Cheesecake Chocolate Truffl

Apparently Ruby Cacao is the exciting new kid on the chocolate block. The actual ice cream in this is pistachio and sweet cream. I love good pistachio ice cream. This is not particularly good pistachio ice cream, though. I mean, it's not bad, it's just not very pistachio-y. The ruby cacao is interesting. I'm glad I've tried it and I wouldn't say no to it in something else, but I'm not totally sold on it. I think the ruby cacao makes it smell a little funky -- a little moldy, sort of?

That's all to say that this is fine. I mean, it's ice cream, so it's not bad, but I won't buy it again.





But this? THIS is spectacular.





I mean, this was surprisingly good. It's maybe in my top 5 ice creams. It's definitely in my top 10. Just, seriously? I mean, caramel cheesecake ice cream? YESSSSSSSS. Graham cracker covered cheesecake pieces in it? Oh hells yes. And a chocolate cookie swirl? Good lord yes. I was skeptical -- I've had bad cheesecake ice cream before, but this tastes like actual cheesecake. Good cheesecake. Have I mentioned how good this is?

Honestly, I'm a salty over sweet girl. I mean, I'd rather not have to choose (hot french fries dipped into a Wendy's Frosty, anyone?), but if I had to, I go french fries and potato chips all day long. I can walk by ice cream without stopping, and pretty often, I just have a spoonful at a time. Like, a single spoonful, not a spoonful at a time until the whole bowl is gone. But this is one of those ice creams that I could sit down and eat the entire pint in one sitting.

So, in the head to head, it's no contest. Skip the Haagen-Dazs and go straight for the Ben & Jerry's.

Pop Tarts Pretzels

So. We've been social distancing and (semi)quarantining since mid-March. I think we're on week 7? It's been, I think, 5-6 weeks since I've set foot inside a grocery store. This is a sadness. I understand it's a minor sadness in the face of a global pandemic. And yet, it's true. I miss the grocery store.

Now, when the writing was on the wall and I could see this lockdown coming, I spent a fair bit of money at the grocery store. For the most part, I tried to only buy things that I knew we'd eat, things I could freeze or things that were very shelf stable. I tried not to buy too many impulse things, too many things we shouldn't eat every day.

But, it was also a pandemic, a national crisis. And so I thought it was high time I tried the Pop Tarts pretzels.



I'd almost bought them a few times, but I buy Pop Tarts maybe twice a year. I actually LOVE them, which is why I tend not to have them in the house. But, again, pandemic. So I cracked.

Quick review: meh. I mean, they're fine. But they really just taste like regular Pop Tarts without enough filling. They don't taste like pretzels, and they're not particularly salty. If you've eaten a cinnamon sugar Pop Tart and thought, "you know, this would be better if it had less flavor," then these are for you.

Dot's

No, not these Dot's, although, let's be honest, these are kind of great. I mean, do they get stuck in your teeth like almost nothing else? They do. Are they still worth it? Kind of.



But these are not the Dots I'm talking about. No, the Dots I'm talking about here are pretzels. These lovelies:


I'm not really a pretzels person, typically. Like, on a flight, when they try to give me pretzels, I'm like, no, I'm good. But a few years ago, I was at a bourbon/whisky tasting fundraiser that had hors d'oeuvres, except the food was meh at best. But there was this giant bowl of pretzels, which seemed somewhat safe, so I grabbed some of those. Like, I don't know, 5-10 of them. I popped one in my mouth, turned around on the spot, and loaded up my plate. They were seasoned and delicious. I was hooked.

This past year, I was driving home from Wisconsin and stopped at a gas station. I saw a small bag of these and thought they reminded me, somehow, of those unnamed, mystery pretzels from the bourbon tasting. So I bought a bag, popped two in my mouth, and said aloud, through a mouthful of pretzel, "oh hells yes."

So. fucking. good. They're salty, buttery, and have a little garlic and onion flavor. Not so much that it's overpowering, but enough that it just (and I know this seems like I'm overselling it here, but I'm not) elevates these beyond your typical pretzel. Am I getting a little misty-eyed about a pretzel? I am.

And it's not over yet. Because they just introduced THIS:



YESSSS! These are like Taco Doritos, but they're pretzels. With taco seasoning. They're AWFUL for your breath, but totally delicious.

If it's not obvious, I love these. Skip the Cheetos popcorn (soooo disappointing) and get these instead. Trust me.

Cheetos Popcorn

It is with a heavy heart that I report the disappointment that is Cheetos popcorn.



What a fantastic idea and what a sad, sad realization of that idea. I LOVE good cheese popcorns. Garrett's in the Chicago airport?  That's my jam. It's worth flying for. I mean, I've flown to the Chicago airport just for that popcorn. Okay, that's a lie, but you get the idea.

This? This isn't even good cheese popcorn, let alone popcorn that deserves to wear the hallowed name of Cheetos. Like, this does not taste like Cheetos at all. And somehow, despite the bright orange powder, it somehow tastes like it needs salt? How is that even possible? At 11 grams of fat for 2 cups, you can definitely eat more of the popcorn than you can of actual Cheetos, but why would you want to?

The Flamin' Hot version is marginally better. It's at least hot. But it's not exactly good.



Sadly, neither of these are worth your time or money.

I gave mine away. GAVE MINE AWAY.

That's how bad it is. Such a heartbreaker.

Fire and Fury Horseradish Chips

For me, horseradish chips are the holy grail. And no, I'm not capitalizing that. I am a BIG horseradish fan and there used to be Snack Factory horseradish pretzels. Ahhh, horseradish pretzels, I miss you so. To fill that sad gap in my life, I'm always on the look out for horseradish pretzels, chips, etc. So a few months ago, I do a double take in Dillon's chip aisle because I see this:


Oh hells yes. Horseradish chips! Now, the closest I've come to horseradish chips are these:


I know: these sound super gross. They're not; they're actually surprisingly good. But they're not SUPER horseradish-y. So I bought three, yes THREE bags, of the Fire & Fury brand. Honestly, at first I was a little disappointed. The word "creamy" is yes, disgusting, but also sort of accurate. There's a slight sort of, I'm not sure, sour cream tinge to these -- a mellowing of the horseradish that kind of bums me out. But I've gotten to really like them. I've gotten used to whatever the "creamy" aspect is. Truth time, though: they're not quite worth the cost. 2/3 of the bag is air and they're a smidge pricey. They'd be kind of great for a low-brow sort of charcuterie board (my favorite kind). Worth a try, I'd say, but not worth three bags.